A Shout-out to All Witches

So, here’s a belated Halloween shout-out to all witches. I have over the past few years gained a new appreciation for all women in various times and places who have been called witches, or the equivalent thereof, because they had a particular skill set others envied, were smart, maybe clever or wise, or, heaven forbid, attractive. I’m sure other women were the worst, pointing the finger at the female in the community who maybe didn’t want to talk only about crying babies but knew the herb to ease colic. Clearly the work of the devil.

Tomorrow is a mediation, a year and a half in coming. Regardless of what happens, there will be an emotional toll. It’s not going to be about the name calling. If asked what I would like to see happen, my answer would be something like–please just make her understand that no law and no custom recognizes the kind of emotional and financial claims she is making on my husband. For her, they are interconnected–“we have a lifetime together because we share children,” she wrote recently. In her mind, the claim follows that as the mother of his children she should have a better life-style even than his. She filed a lawsuit demanding more when she saw I was here to stay and called me names to assert her primacy as the moral authority. Ironic, since last week alone she lied and manipulated her children, boldly, more than once.

What does it mean to share a life or lifetime with someone? I share a life and a lifetime with my daughter, but not my ex-husband, although he and I will be in touch, maybe even from time to time after our daughter goes to college, because we had her together. But I wouldn’t call that sharing a lifetime, and he wouldn’t either. But then, we never thought we owned one another. Even when you have the deepest, most meaningful relationship possible, you realize that sharing a life or lifetime with someone requires mutual consent and intimacy, not something you once experienced together, even something as meaningful and life-changing as having children together. I have always tried to affirm my husband’s ex regarding her role as the girls’ mother, and clearly she and my husband share the responsibility to see to the well-being of their children (I do too, but that’s another issue), but her understanding of her role in my husband’s life and his in hers is beyond me. She wanted the divorce 8 years ago, so why does she think she can keep him, too?

I hope her more rational self shows up, or that her attorney brings ration to the table, or that the mediator can work some magic. It is just as likely that we will end up in court. Either way, we’ve done what we can. It’s a good thing they don’t burn witches anymore. What was it in Monty Python?–you had to float like a duck, or weigh more than a duck? At least now, she can go on the internet and file lawsuits, but eventually, people get tired of listening and the truth comes out. The waiting, however, can seem interminable.

~Wanda, the Agnostic Paramour

ps. The costume is a keeper.

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