In Memoriam

When you teased others, it was never Schadenfreude, but teasing from a place of genuine appreciation for another’s quirks. When you treated others, it was never vanity, but sharing what you had just because you had it. When you gathered friends together, it was never to receive more attention yourself, but to celebrate each other.

I don’t know why I didn’t know that you had moved on. There should have been a cataclysmic shift, a vacuum, a blaring signal, because I always knew I would see you again. This is the hardest part.

Last time we spoke, you gave me something to look forward to, like you always did. A bet. Or something you were going to send that I would appreciate, something you already loved. Or you would find Juanita. Or be in my area sometime that year.

I didn’t know much about the world you came from, except what you showed me here and there. That world was big, but you were even bigger. A booming laugh. “Come on!”–let’s get out of here and go somewhere and live some life.  The only person I’ve ever known who TRULY knew that life was short and lived accordingly.

I send my condolences out and hope they will reach your mother. No mother should lose one child, let alone three sons. And especially to your children. I know you were a wonderful father, larger-than-life and as humble as they come and that you gave them what they need to be good people.

You are a gentle soul, somewhere else now.

Aristotle is wrong that only friends who spend time together can maintain a friendship, but he is right that true friends are painfully rare, two equals of excellent character who come together.

Thank you for huevos rancheros and wings and hockey and your passion for soccer (a sport I later came to appreciate) and for not letting me win in racquetball despite the leg brace and driving to see art and talking poetry and exaggerated German pronunciation and for believing that Spanish is the language of God and for noticing and seeing but not pressuring. You did things large and small with grace.

I always knew I would see you again. Until then, I send you a big hug and a kiss.

~your friend who loved you MBC


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1 Comment

  1. Jenn says:

    You will “see” him again. May peace settle within all who are in pain from this loss.


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